Confession

I have to admit, I've become an internet dater. It's true. Years ago, I signed up on one of those internet dating sites just as kind of a supplemental sort of thing. "I'll probably meet the woman of my dreams at a bar or the library or, for God's sake, anywhere but on the internet," I thought. Fast forward to about two weeks ago...someone actually showed some interest in me. What? Me? That's unheard of!

I tried the whole "3 free days and cancel before they charge you" once before, so this time I was forced to subscribe. I made mine a one month subscription. Thirty bucks! Man, if this actually works out it'll be quite a deal, but I don't spend 30 bucks a month on any social activity...which, oddly enough, is why I need the internet. It's one of those Catch 22 situations.

So I subscribed, but since I only had the subscription for a month (and don't feel like shelling out another $30 when I could've gotten a better deal) I've really had to rush into things. Normally, I take things slow. Glacially slow. Lay-low-until-I-get-to-know-her...and-her-new-boyfriend...make-that-husband...I'm-sure-they'll-get divorced-and-when-they-do-I'll-make-my-move slow. This time I subscribed and had my kids names picked out before our first date 8 days later. Talk about turnaround. But it didn't work out. So that leaves me to become the kind of guy I've tried to avoid becoming my whole life. The kind of guy who says all the right things to every woman he meets in hopes that one (or all) of them will swoon over him...me. I've only got a little bit of time!

And I've noticed something about a lot of women. They don't like guys who are 5'8", most of them. They've all got "strategically placed tattoos" (read: drunken stupor stains), and find themselves "spiritual, but not religious". I understand the not religious part. They're all tired of the "bar scene" but still like to go out. And there's not a single one who thought, "Oh, this will be a great idea," when they posted their information. They were either put up to it by their friends or they did it on a whim.

Out of all these cookie cutter bios, you can separate them into two categories: picky and picky, but lying about it. Yeah, some of them get real specific in describing their perfect match. Eye color, height, body type, job, income...even whether he's got exotic pets or not. The others are lazy. They think they're doing everyone a favor by leaving the descriptions on factory settings, but are they going to seriously consider a 3 foot tall Buddhist who only speaks Tagalog? Not a chance.

And another thing I've noticed...and this has nothing to do with dating websites...Lenny Kravitz is the worst lyricist of all time, yet there doesn't seem to be one radio format that won't play him. Adult contemporary, Top 40, R&B, smooth jazz, you name it! I hate to inform you all, but he is not the next Hendrix. "I wish that I could fly/Up to the sky/So very high/Just like a dragonfly"? Yeah. The man's brilliant!