Of Mice and Dan

Well my faithful and patient readers, it's been about three weeks and you haven't heard anything from me. Let me tell you one of difficulties of writing a blog: I try to be honest, humorous, informative, and personal on my blog and sometimes things happen in life that are a little too personal to write (or that I have no business writing) about. That's been quite the case lately. And though I find it easy not to write about these things, it is much more difficult to find something as relevant to write about. After personal struggles and deaths, we often wonder when we're allowed to laugh again. That time, I believe, can't come too soon. But sensitivity is still required.

With all that said I, personally, am doing well. Optimism still springs eternal here. And so, let's all agree to move on!

There is a recent and growing mouse epidemic in Evanston, Illinois, apparently. I've been doing my part to control this problem ever since I noticed it. Let me give you an estimated timeline:

Several months ago, my roommate began to complain about this smell in our home (one of three connected townhome condominiums). I sniffed and sniffed, but all I could smell was the scent of her dog, so I thought. She noted an increase in the odor and was certain that there was a dead mouse rotting somewhere in our walls. Still, I smelled nothing.

Several weeks later, I woke up and came downstairs. As I arrived at the bottom, I was punched in the mouth by whatever this repulsive smell was. Yes, it was that same smell as I had smelled before, but unbearably putrid. I couldn't even cover my nose to escape. Immediately I bought a six pack of glue traps and some lint remover (lint remover?) to try to eradicate the problem. When I returned home, I investigated the smell. Loads of mouse poop (not rat poop, I've learned, for it was the size of rice, not beans) behind a bench in the dining room, along with more behind the refrigerator and oven. I picked the poop off the carpet with the lint remover and set three glue traps behind the bench (also cleared out the bench entirely) and three in the kitchen.

A week or two passed, no action. Then, the night before an exterminator was scheduled to arrive, I saw a mouse run into the house from the back door, and right behind the oven (where there were no traps set). Immediately, as I thought I could scare him out of there, I moved one of the glue traps to the side of the oven so that he'd get stuck trying to run back out. Didn't work.

The next day the exterminator arrived. He diagnosed us with "about 6 to 8 mice", treated the house with several poison blocks which, when eaten, will coagulate the mouse's blood and turn him into a ball of fuzz, sans odor, which we may never even see. It will also turn their poop blue/green. All the mice should be dead within "seven to 10 days", but he gave me a stack of glue traps to satisfy my need to see one dead.

A month later, we've seen no more mice. We've heard no more mice. We've smelled...well, we really didn't think we smelled any more mice. Then, all the sudden, as I'm making my morning coffee, I hear a squeak. We've got a mouse! He was stuck on a glue trap where, presumably frightened, he's pooped some blue/green poop. "What should I do?" I thought. Should I wait until he dies before I throw him away? Should I put him out of his misery? Or should I throw him in a bag and let time do the rest? I chose option three. Whether he died of poison, starvation, suffocation, or by being crushed by garbage, I'll never know. But he was gone.

A week later, we've had no more mice. Could the smell, the poop, the hassle--could it all have been caused by one single little mouse? NOPE! Over the course of the next week, we caught FOUR MORE MICE, including one who, when caught on the glue trap, presumably carried the thing over six feet, pooping (brown poop) all along the way before coming to rest right out in the open, next to the dog's bed (the dog was not nearby). These things were everywhere, and we realized that, since all of our townhome neighbors have since moved out (and one left piles of food and garbage in their back yard) that the mice have come to the one home left with any warmth...and possible food.

Five mice all received the same treatment. Stuck on a glue trap, thrown in a plastic bag, and dumped in the garbage. All along the way, I've grown increasingly able to identify when we've got a mouse simply by sniffing it out. I smell the smell, I say "we've got a mouse" and find one on the trap.

So, yesterday, after a nearly two weeks of mouse-silence, I came home and smelled the smell. I checked in the kitchen, where the dog had been sleeping most of the morning. I wasn't fooled. There wasn't a mouse on the trap, but I knew there was one around...somewhere...mocking me. And at around 8pm, he made his presence known. When I heard a rattling in the kitchen, I knew I had caught another little mouse bastard! And there he was, a tiny little guy, stuck and struggling, but hard to get to. I was on the phone at the time, so there was no real urgency to pick him up, but when I hung up and attempted to clean up number 6, I saw another mouse peek his head out from under the oven. This problem is not over yet. (So much for "seven to 10 days"!)

Now, I know that little rat-bastard (so to say) is down there. And I was in the kitchen just before I began writing this. I shined a flashlight on the trap and saw a little mouse tail whip around and run away. This mouse is proving to be a formidable opponent, but rest assured, he will suffer the same fate as all the rest. And when my superhero mouse sniffing sense is piqued, I know the end is near.

Until then, Number 7, enjoy your final hours!