A Deep Breath

I can take a deep breath now. It's now officially September 12th, and I can go back to my normal life.

I spent numerous hours today watching televised specials on the terror attacks of September 11th, 2001. I learned about the building and destruction of the Twin Towers. The last hour of the flight that crashed into the north tower. The story of Flight 93 that crash landed in Shanksville, PA. It's amazing how down one can get after a steady diet of this stuff.

I remember being woken up to the news that "America is under attack" and not knowing quite what that meant. I remember seeing the burning buildings on TV and hearing that Fermilab, a government scientific test area just a few miles from where I was living in Wheaton, IL, had been one of the top targets in the event of a nuclear attack. I remember worrying about my friend in New York who I had just visited about two months earlier. Nothing was clear to anybody. We didn't know if this was just the beginning of a series of attacks or the end of the world. We watched second by second as the tragedy played out on the news (which was on EVERY channel!) Seconds turned into minutes turned into hours turned into days.

Football games were postponed because the players didn't want to "play". Nobody minded because we didn't want to gather in large groups anyway. President Bush stood atop the rubble in New York and vowed that we'd get these guys and then threw out the first pitch of the World Series in Yankee Stadium--a perfect strike! There was concern all over about shopping malls, theme parks, national monuments. Where were they going to strike next? And who were "they"?

Sometime after the attacks, I wrote a poem. I knew that someday down the road I would be asked "Where were you when...". It read:

"Sleeper"
Sleeping alone
No telephone to disturb me.
Visions of sugar plums--
Yes, sugar plums, or something better.
Do you think I remember that?
Drive around town
Peaceful, isn't it, for a Tuesday?
Crisp late summer air
Seems to be the only thing
Holding up these strange, fallen faces.
"Good morning!" hit like
A ton of bricks
Didn't it?
Awake!
To the rapid knocking alarm
Hundreds of miles from
The hands who set it.
Then the news.
Where was I when it hit?
Asleep.

The whole thing was insane. Like walking around in a zombie movie where there's nothing but a bunch of dazed people walking around. Every day seemed like a memorial service. Just one week ago...just ten days ago...three weeks...a month...six months.... But nobody can ever forget it, can they? It is sad. And whenever even the slightest crime was committed afterwards, it felt like a major violation. How could you do something like this after something like that?

But there is more to memorialization than just remembering and being sad. "Patriot Day", as it has been termed by some, is not about sadness. It's about hope. It's about inspiration. But mostly, it's about love. For so many who lost their lives that day did not die for selfish reasons, but because they so loved others. Police and fireman--and lay victims--who rescued others, complete strangers, from the Trade Center and the Pentagon. And let's never forget those on Flight 93 who took their own lives and spared all others. These heroes may not have been thinking in grandiose terms of God and Country, but they loved their families and loved their fellow man so much that they knew they'd have to go through hell to get to Heaven. They showed their love.

So I ask myself: If I were to die in five minutes, what would I do? I can't call everybody I know and tell them I love them...there's no time! I can only live in those five minutes in a way that unquestionably proves my love for God and family, country and mankind. And if I make it through that five minutes, I have only the option to continue.

I expect to live a lot longer. So if the question is, "if I were to die in five minutes, what would I do?" I say reverse that. Expect to live only for five more minutes and count each one as a blessing. If you live longer, it is only because you should live and love as if each minute were your last! There's no going back to your normal life. Not after this. There is only going to a life of love.

So get started.