A dead body never seemed less important...

Happy Valentine's Day!

I saw a dead guy today. Interesting. He was a large-sized black man who appeared to be young, but the way we was just kind of flopped on the subway platform floor with his eyes open and security buzzing around the perimeter kind of gave away the obvious. He was, in fact, dead.

There was no time for me to marvel in wonderment at the man (besides, it seemed that things were being taken care of) because I was on my way--and in fact, was running late--to an audition. This was my third audition in about a month and it was the least eventful. Except for the dead guy.

I arrived at the audition hall and sang my song and that was pretty much it. I think it went pretty well, but you never can tell with these things. By the time I got to the platform to go back home, the recently deceased had been removed from the premises (I observed a fire engine, an ambulance, and countless police and security on the scene). When I left my train to transfer to another, I saw my friend Maria. Maria and I went out on one date over a year ago and have remained friends. In fact, it was that night that I met her roommate Erin for the first time. Until today, I had thought it was the last time as well.

"You auditioned for a children's theatre that my roommate works at," Maria told me. The first of my three recent auditions was for a touring children's theatre. When I came to think about it, I did meet a girl named Erin there. "She said you had a great audition and they all loved you." Yeah, but I didn't get cast. I remember thinking I had given the audition of a lifetime and when I got called back I was certain I would get the part. In my mind, I had already spent my new weekly salary. Before I could say any of this, however, Maria added, "They decided to go with a more diverse cast."

At my callback, there were four people. There was me, there was a skinny white girl, a tall, fat guy, and a bossy, black girl. As I watched the others, I thought the skinny, white girl had a lot of talent. She was a perfect fit for any children's theatre. The tall, fat guy was pretty good, too. He even had a theatre degree with an emphasis on Children's Theatre. Wow! But the black girl was just awful. I mean, she had the basic theatrical instincts--not upstaging herself and that sort of thing--but she was a terrible performer and a miserable team player.

As part of the audition, the four of us had to enact a story that was written by a child. We had only about 7 minutes to choose the story, conceptualize it, and rehearse it before performing it as an audition. I knew from experience that in times like this, there needed to be a voice of determination--someone to make the quick decisions. If not, you wind up with a whole lot of ideas and nothing to perform. That said, I shouldn't have had a problem with the black girl's bossiness. Whereas the other three of us were making suggestions as part of a collaborative effort, this girl was framing all of her ideas with "This is what we're going to do." No room for dissent.

Having the most experience of the four of us, I quickly realized the peril we would be in if we followed these--not suggestions, but orders. To begin with, they weren't good ideas. Additionally, they would have to be shot down with care to ensure that she didn't feel completely rejected. Thinking back, I still believe I was able to do that. Together, with working ideas from everybody, we came up with a damn fine audition!

I had hoped that, since I wasn't cast, someone good was. I would've been fine with the two from my group or even possibly with someone from the group that auditioned after mine. Anybody but this bossy girl. When I found out that she was hired so the company could be more "diverse", it didn't make me feel any better, to be sure. No, I felt worse; as if it was an exercise in futility. It made no difference how "great" my audition was, so-called "equal opportunity" had trumped talent.

I admit I was depressed when I found out I hadn't been hired, even before I found out who was. It's hard for me to get excited about auditions now, even after I've nailed them. Like this one I went to on Saturday.

My friend Curtis suggested I take a trip up to Madison, Wisconsin with him for an audition. Curtis had a set audition and the idea was that I would try to get a vacant slot. It was a joint audition for over a dozen different theatres. Even though I wasn't able to properly prepare for the audition (Curtis had given me the wrong information which I only found out was wrong about 20 minutes before my audition), I still kicked ass. At the callback for one of the theatres, the auditor kept mentioning how funny I was.

I'd like to think his enthusiasm would get me a job, but I refuse to get my hopes up. You never know when someone less qualified than you will swoop in and take your job right out from under you.

But I guess I shouldn't complain. At least I'm not dead on the subway platform--on Valentine's Day.