Table for one

I'm sitting at home alone drinking Pinot Noir and eating homemade baked beans and it occurs to me, I broke up with my last girlfriend in the fall of 1997. That's not a typo. 1997--about 9 years ago! I don't really remember why I broke up with Mary. She was a sweet girl.

I take that back. I do know why I broke up with her. I had been "in love" with Mary for awhile before we started dating, but fell out of love quite rapidly one day when I felt she snubbed me after not seeing me for a long time. Unfortunately it was only after that when we began dating, if I can use that term. We never actually went out on a date. We were just "boyfriend/girlfriend" for a couple days before we went back to college in separate states.

Forgive me. This isn't about Mary. She's actually still a very sweet woman, with a husband and family and we remain friends...though somewhat distant. No. This is about me.

For nine years now I have been very optimistic. I have pursued several girls who were "out-of-my-league" as you might say. But I'm not a very aggressive person. In fact, where my love life is concerned, I'm rather timid. I've been the "best friend" for years only to lose out to another guy. I blame myself, mostly. I move very slowly. Like a glacier. Yes! I'm a glacier!!

In 1997, of course, I was in college and I, of course, thought I had a shot with anybody...especially the drunk girls at the theatre parties (odds are even better for the straight guys at the theatre parties, for obvious reasons). And while I thought I had a shot with them all, in the back of my mind was my "best friend" who I'd been pursuing glacially. My loyalty to that dream kept me, well...on the bench.

After graduation, there really wasn't that constant stream of available and drunk women to keep me in the game. From then on, every waitress, cashier, and video store clerk became my dream girl of the moment. My logical and rational mind would never allow me to pursue those relationships, though.

When I joined the cast of "Tony n' Tina's Wedding" in 2001, it was like college all over again, only this time EVERY NIGHT was a drunken theatre party and out of 150-300 people, at least one of them might be of interest to me. I used to say I fell in love every night for two and a half years. And if I couldn't find the right woman at the show, she was sure to turn up at the bar afterwards.

Here I am now, with my Pinot Noir and my homemade baked beans. I've been out of that show for over two-and-a-half years and the social highlight of my week usually consists of a trip to the grocery store. My personal integrity prevents me from asking a woman out while I'm at work, or while she's at work, or even while she's trying to get to work! I work at The Hershey Company and have the entire world of chocolate at my fingertips, yet the only place you'll ever find me when I'm not at work is at home.

If you've kept up with this blog, you know of my failed escapades last winter on the train. This week, after pursuing my hairdresser at the usual glacial speed, I've been treated to the usual response of telling silence. Even internet dating has failed me as I come to the final days of my subscription.

Like 1997, I remain optimistic, even if I've never been the type to not look down the road. Even if each of those daily crushes in the old show were, in my head, the next Mrs. Dan Marrero. Even if sometimes I wish I was able to put that part of me aside and just go for Miss For Now. But it's not in me. So I meet and re-meet each single attractive woman with the same thought: Are you the one?

I'll find her someday. I just hope there's enough Pinot Noir to get me there. The baked beans weren't all that good.