Semicolon

If you've been reading my blog for awhile or have had regular exposure to my writing you may notice my constant misuse of punctuation; particularly the semicolon.

I'm twenty-seven years old and to this day I'm still not quite sure how to use the damn thing. Sometimes I think I know but there's no one to grade my writing (thank you) and correct these errors, so it sticks.

Yes, I know I also end sentences with prepositions, begin them with "and" or "but", and overuse my parentheses and commas, too, (just to name a few). I guess I must have missed that day in class...and given my exemplary attendance record through the twelfth grade, I can only fault those who did not make punctuation a more important part of the curriculum.

Incidentally, I know for a fact that I missed the one, single, solitary day when we were taught to diagram sentences. How to do it is still a mystery to me, but the kind of mystery you have no desire or need to solve. Pointless!

That's all. If anyone wishes to tutor me on the use of semicolons, feel free. Otherwise, accept my scribblings as they are, flaws and all.

Categorically Insane

Hello again. Today I've decided that instead of one lengthy blog about one topic I will instead write several small blog-lettes to cover a wide range of things that have been on my mind. Here they are.

Fox moves from the Henhouse to the Penthouse
I watched the fifth season finale of The Shield on Tuesday night. WOW! If you're not watching this show (Tuesday nights on FX when in season...and now airing on Fridays on Spike!) you're truly missing out on the single greatest cop drama (or drama of any kind) on television. Say what you will about NYPD Blue, Hill Street Blues, or the others...they pale in comparison to the gritty, edge of your seat drama that The Shield delivers 13 or so weeks a year. You can also pick up seasons 1-4 on DVD if you need to catch up.


FX is one of the Fox network's cable channels. In case you haven't noticed, Fox is creating some of the best TV of all time...right now as we live and breathe! The one time so-called "fourth network" has led the way with innovating new ideas and risks previously never even considered. The Simpsons has just been picked up for another two seasons, which will bring it to 18 seasons. EIGHTEEN! Keifer Sutherland's 24 is the first successful "real time" series on a major network, and that show is amazing! PrisonBreak...a little farfetched, but if the show takes a turn in it's next episode like I suspect it will, they will have taken a huge risk by...well, I won't ruin it. American Idol is an amazing reality show that has turned out two legitimate hitmakers of its four winners so far (and a few from its trash bin as well). And that's just naming a few. There are other shows that are "Hot Now" and some that have worked their way to pop icon status: Family Guy, X-Files, the recently departed Arrested Development. Not to mention the Fox News Channel which has become the most watched cable news network in the country.

Congratulations, Fox. You have arrived!

They Used to Make Students Pound Erasers...
Debra LaFave. You know her. She's that extremely hot teacher who was arrested for having sex and repeatedly molesting a fourteen year-old male student. What fourteen year old boy wouldn't love to have sex with a teacher who looked like that? Hell, I'd have written a damn song about it! But that doesn't make it right. It. Is. Wrong. She should've known better and moreso, she should've done better. She's received no jailtime after openly admitting her actions but is restricted to house arrest. Is that enough? If this was an attractive male teacher having sex with a fourteen year old girl, I think the perception would be much clearer. Some argue that her sentence was more harsh than what would've been doled out to a man. I say, then, that the penalties for child molesters aren't steep enough ACROSS THE BOARD!

Unbelievable Balls
My brackets are busted. My Colts are in shambles. Baseball season is just about a week away and the Cubs have not yet determined that they have to win in spite of their pitching. That's just the way it has to be. I can't wait for baseball season to start, but I am not terribly excited about our prospects (though we should be better than we were last year). Also, Tiger Woods...you still 'da man!

The Father of Invention
Necessity is the mother of invention, they say, but who's the baby's daddy? I "invented" a new drink at the Hershey Store yesterday which received immediate approval and which we will begin selling probably by next week. It's really a variation on a popular Starbucks drink, the Caramel Macchiato, only it's not a latte. No, it's brewed coffee (using espresso beans, though). I call it the Caramel Kiss Coffee. This almost guarantees that I'll be passed over for a raise! Yea!!!

The Boast of the Town
You may have noticed a comment on my last blog entry from someone named Carin. You may have then noticed that I then replied to Carin in Swedish (though quite grammatically incorrect, I'm told.) I have to explain this to the rest of you. Carin was an exchange student (from, you guessed it, Sweden) at my high school when I was a sophomore. (That was twelve years ago!) This kind and caring, intelligent, sweet, tall, and gorgeous Swede was Stage Manager of the school play and we became pretty good friends. (She may regret that I remember this, but she did occasionally--though usually I say "frequently"--asked me to marry her. The sticking point for me was not that we lived on different continents but that I was only fifteen.) When you're fifteen, you let special people just walk in and out of your life and you never think twice. I had her Swedish mailing address as I had the addresses of other exchange students, as well as people who lived just across the state, but I never wrote. I later regretted that I haven't kept in touch with a lot of people who really meant a lot to me growing up. Then I discovered the internet. I don't know why (it was probably the proposals), but Carin was one of those people I was constantly trying to "find". I did find her once and we emailed a couple of times and then we stopped. A few years later, I found her again and the results were the same. Now it's been nearly twelve years since I've seen her and, I don't know, about six since I'd last heard from her. Then, out of the blue she leaves that comment on my last blog. I mean, of the millions and millions of blogs out there, she found mine! Gotta love the 'net. Carin and I have, so far, kept up with our correspondence this time around. I told her I've been bragging about it ever since and she told me to keep bragging, so...here it is! Nyah nyah.

Bad for Me, Good for Her
She's engaged. Don't go getting your hopes up, people.

That's a Wrap
No, I'm not going to tell you about my recent penchant for making my own chicken wraps for lunch...mmmm. I mean that's it for this entry. Goodbye! Adjö, fåravel!

P.S.
Strange but true: A website, this website, blogger.com does not recognize the word "blog" in its SpellCheck. Ha!

Humble Pie: I can't believe I ate the whole thing!

I crashed an audition on Saturday. The audition notice asked for headshots and resumes to be mailed for an audition slot, but as I had only seen the notice the night before, there was no time for that. I just got dressed the next day and went.

The monologue I chose to perform is one that I have been working on for years, but due to it's length I rarely perform it. This time, it was well received (even the parts I didn't think were the funniest) and I got a callback. But I'll end the suspense right now: I didn't get cast in the show.
Sometimes, even recently, I know that I am the best person in the room. That doesn't mean anything. In the case of last night's callback, I must say I felt a bit humbled. There were probably 20 guys (maybe more) in this three hour callback and any one of them could have been cast. Same with the women. The play, though new, was incredibly well written by the director. The actors all seemed quite comfortable with their surroundings. Many of them new each other. I felt out of place.

I'm not down about it. Sure, it would've been nice to get, but I didn't feel as if I made myself stand out from the crowd. But boy, it's never fun to learn you're not as good as you think you are. I have a lot of work to do, and a lot more auditions to attend, before I'll feel comfortable with my ego again. It won't be a difficult journey...auditioning is very easy. It's the growth that's going to take some time.

Hmm.

P.S. As and interesting side note, I thought it was a good sign that the music they were playing before the audition began was the same music I was listening just before I left the house for the audition. Signs are highly overrated.

Alas, poor Yorick!*

I talk to myself. There, I've said it. But I'm not ashamed. I talk to myself to save the rest of the world from having to hear every thought in my head. (For those of you who think I need to do a better job...go suck an egg!)

Many of you who can relate know that it's not a one sided conversation, is it? Like a scripted soliloquy, we are talking to God, or to inanimate objects, or to the thought of someone who isn't there. I soliloquize a lot. I rehearse responses to things that have not been said. In fact, I rehearse the things I DON'T want people to say to me so that I can then rehearse my response. I suppose this is why I sometimes get very agitated for no apparent reason: I can't believe the nerve of myself to say these things to me!

(In my head) 'Dan, we've had complaints about your attitude, lately.' 'From who? Not the customers! But you're right, I do have an attitude. That's because this place is shit!' No. I can't say that. That'll get me fired and as much as I'd love to walk out right now, I can't afford it. 'Attitude? Really?' No. Screw that. I know I have an attitude. I hate this place. Okay. 'I do have a bit of an attitude because I feel like I'm the one doing all the work around here. I can do it all, but then what is everyone else doing?' Ooo, yeah. I like that one. I can do it all, but then what...shit, what was it?

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe I have a problem. It's gotten to the point where I see complete strangers and I prepare myself for what they're about to say.

(In my head) This guy expects me to move? Screw him. I'm going to keep walking. I'm already all the way to wall, he can go around me. He's got all that room over there and he's got all kinds of time, if he walks into me.... And he'll probably give me some kind of dirty look. Well, f*** you buddy. Learn how to walk. (And then the man comes nowhere near me.) That's right buddy. You're f***ing lucky. You people need to learn how to walk! Oh, and what's with this guy, now? I don't have any money. Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact.

The problem with all of this rehearsal is that the show never opens. What I mean is, no matter how perfectly I've prepared my rebuttal, the antagonist never seems to hold up his end of the bargain. This is a good thing for them, but it really stymies me. My brilliance is stifled! Which is probably why I enjoy playwriting so much. I can craft, in my mind, what I think is the perfect conversation and take whatever time I need to put it on paper. It's a beautiful thing. Until those good-for-nothing actors get ahold of it and start to ad lib their own perfect responses. Well, that's fine. I'll sit in the audience in a boo. Wait, do I really want to boo my own play. Maybe I'll just shoot spitballs at them while they're on stage...yeah! That'll be beautiful.

I'm a sick man.

***DVD BONUS FEATURE***
Funny how things work. I was thinking all week about writing this entry and what I wanted to say. I hadn't told anyone what I was going to write about because, as with many entries, it might never have made it to the 'net. Then yesterday, out of nowhere, my brother John called me with the sole purpose of telling me about the conversation he was just having with himself. Why'd he call me? We often discuss my posts on the phone or through emails...AFTER I've posted them! Is it possible that the voice in my head is louder than I think? Ooo-eee-ooo.

*This famous line is not from a soliloquy, but from a monologue. I know. I don't care.

Oscar Preview

With the Academy Awards starting in just under an hour, I have to say I'm not looking forward to the awards ceremony much this year.

I'm not going to deny that any of the best picture nominees aren't worthy of their nominations. I wouldn't know. I haven't seen them.

Together, the five best picture nominees have made under $250 million dollars. That may seem like a lot, and it is...even in the movie biz. It's not commonly known outside the business that one blockbuster hit pays for approximately 10 other movie. But that not one nominee was a blockbuster sure seems troubling.

Now, I'm not going to go on for too long here. You can read my earlier post "'Real' to 'Reel' not what Americans want" for more of my opinions on Hollywood today. I do, however, feel the Oscars often get it wrong--if not in the nominations, then with the winners themselves.

Some years there is an abundance of worthy movies and to look at historical snubs (for example, "Pulp Fiction" or "Shawshank Redemption") wouldn't be fair. Besides, every year around this time that topic gets covered ad naseum. This year, however, I predict the Oscars will have difficulty finding viewers due not to the quality of the movies it has nominated, but to the popularity of them. No better year, then, for Hollywood to make its boldest statements: the movie about gay cowboys will surely win. No one will argue that it beat out something better because, well, no one saw the others either!

They also say George Clooney is the front runner for Best Supporting Actor and that may be. His outspoken political views make him a Hollywood favorite (and his good looks don't hurt him, either). But remember, he was snubbed for his superior work in "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" and the Oscars, in my opinion, seem to have a penchant for rewarding people years after they really deserve it.

Look at "Lord of the Rings". Should've won Best Picture THREE YEARS IN A ROW! Denzel Washington should've won his award for "Philadelphia". Instead they waited until he was nominated in "Training Day" to give him an Oscar. (You think these things aren't planned? Remember, that was the year the Oscars had a theme to honor black actors in film and Halle Barry also won Best Actress.)

Despite endless examples of "getting it wrong", the Oscars have gotten right a few times. "Silence of the Lambs" rightfully swept the five major awards. "Schindler's List" should have won two awards for Best Picture (it was just that good...and long enough, too).

Then there's the choice of host. There's two options: Billy Crystal or anybody else. Billy Crystal can make even the most awful awards night palatable (or Palance-able). The rest have had varying success. I, for one, am looking forward to John Stewart's opening. I fear, however, that it will be downhill from there.

Besides, "Batman Begins" should've won, I don't care what anybody says.